The medical field is rife with stories of notorious patients and "war stories" from doctors, nurses, and virtually anyone who has laid hands on a patient. We've all seen or heard about the patient who had the most gross injury or diagnosis. This is not about that at all. This is more a diatribe or rant about those problem patients who behave in such a way that everyone in the office cringes when they see their name on the schedule. The following is a set of examples of how not to behave in a medical office.
1. Don't be late.--Yes, we know that the doctor runs behind and this in turn is an inconvenience to you and everyone else on the schedule. We do not plan for that to happen, yet it almost always does. We try to get you in to see to doctor as close to your scheduled time as possible, but some times, there are just things that are beyond our control and cause us to run behind. There are some examples of these later! If you are late, CALL THE OFFICE! Ask them if its okay to still come or if you need to reschedule. Most of the time, we can work you back in to the schedule and make sure you get taken care of. Nothing is more annoying than when a patient shows up late 20 mins late for the appointment and then makes an ass of themselves so that they can be seen. I will almost always try and work someone in if they call ahead to let me know. P.S. most offices have a 15 minute "no show" policy and if you are 15 mins late, you will not get in.
2. Don't be a dick.--When things in the office aren't going to your liking, being a dick to the office staff or nursing staff will not win you any friends and will actually end up making life miserable for you. There is a rule in medicine that some people must learn the hard way--don't piss off the nurse! They will make sure you have all you need to be taken care of, but you may not enjoy it as much. Being rude to the office staff does not make you look like you are important or a VIP. It makes you look like a dick and the office staff will speak to the doctor and you will most likely end up being called out by the doctor and made to look a fool. Just don't do it. Furthermore, when you call in and yell or cuss out the nurses answering the phone and listening to your problems; it doesn't help your cause either. We understand that you are upset, but belittling someone who really just answers a phone is getting you nowhere.
3. Don't name drop.--When in medicine, we are trained to treat everyone the same way. We try to treat everyone with professionalism and decency. Dropping the name of the CEO or another doctor doesn't really impress anyone and really doesn't mean you're going to get something that someone else does not. You will be treated exactly as current standards of care dictate.
4. Don't be a "while you're at it' patient.--This is one of those reasons why offices run late. A patient makes an appointment to be seen for one thing. They get back to the room and while being examined for said malady, say the following, "Well, my so and so has also been acting up. I figured while you were at it, you could look at that too." This is disrespectful and rude also. It is rude to the doctor and staff who planned a certain amount of time for your appointment and now must take more time to look at other problems. Now they are going to either miss lunch or get home later than they thought. It is rude to the other patients because you are forcing them to have their appointment times be pushed back. If you made an appointment to have the brakes on your car serviced, would you show up and ask the technician to flush the radiator, change the oil, change the spark plugs, and service the transmission and then still expect the entire appointment to go no longer than the allotted time?
5. Don't be passive in your own healthcare.--"I'll do whatever you think I should do, doctor." This type of behavior is not helpful and actually infers that the provider is going to take a paternalistic role in your care. We are trained not to do this. When you are in a medical office, the doctor, PA, nurse, etc. are there to help you in the best capacity they can. They are not there to be your parent or to take charge of what happens to you. You have the ultimate say in what happens and after hearing treatment recommendations, make your own decision. Doctors and PAs are there to provide you the best information they can. It is your responsibility to act on it or not. Doctors are supposed to work with you, not simply do things to you. We want you to take an active roll in your care. It shows responsibility and ownership. A perfect example of this would be a patient undergoing bariatric surgery and after the procedure, continuing to eat the way they used to. Or better yet, a patient diagnosed with diabetes going to the doctor to be put on insulin and still making sure he gets his Dunkin Donuts every morning thinking that the doctor will just tell him to take more insulin to cover it. All that said, ask questions. Ask what recommended medications do and don't do. Ask about side effects and interactions. Ask about research, about new treatments. Be an active participant, not just a passenger. Take what the medical team says to heart and actually do it.
6. Don't think that getting a second opinion is going to offend the doctor.--Any physician worth their salt will not be offended in your getting a second opinion. They should believe in their recommendations enough to know that any other physician will say the same thing. Further, they will likely mention several names of doctors that they would recommend you see. One may ask though, are you getting a second opinion because you want to be thorough or are you just hoping someone will tell you what you want to hear? A word of advise would be not to use it as an actual threat. Meaning, "If I can't get my surgery before the end of the year, I'm going to go to the practice across town to get it done." It really doesn't make you look any better, and actually your surgeon will say, by all means, knowing that the practice across town is just as busy at that time of year.
7. Don't be so demanding.--I realize this sort of contradicts Number 5, but hear me out. A patient goes to the office with a cold. These are typically viral, and the usual course is to treat the symptoms and the body will take care of it in a 1-2 weeks. Your doctor will not likely order tests or antibiotics as they are not needed in this scenario, and will only serve to drive up the cost of healthcare. In this example, you don't need a chest CT, lab work, MRI, physical therapy, antibiotics, and a whole host of other demands. A caveat to this would be if the doctor actually does want to do some tests, like x-rays for example, don't refuse them. If you want a complete exam, then go with what the doctor suggests in the work up. You wouldn't go to a mechanic and tell them everything that is going on with your car and then refuse to let them look under the hood, would you?
8. Don't go through the drawers and help yourself to stuff in there.--The drawers in the rooms are there for the workers to take care of you. If you loot them, then it only makes things harder for you. This also forces up the cost of care. Those things aren't free and really, you're taking band-aids. P.S. We don't keep needles or medicine in those drawers. So...just don't. We can hear the doors and drawers opening and shutting and at the end of the day, they have to be restocked costing money.
9. Don't discount the treatment until you've actually tried it.--After you've been examined and the diagnosis has been discussed and treatment is recommended. Have a little courtesy by not saying, "yeah, I know that won't work." Unless, you've actually already tried it with an honest effort, then you have no idea.
10. Don't equate chiropractic adjustments to therapy for your malady.--Countless times I have examined a patient and have found that one of the first things they've done is go to the "choirpracter". I understand that they work a lot with the spine and are probably adept at adjusting the spine, but if you have a meniscus tear or urinary tract infection or diabetes; see an expert in those fields. No amount of adjustment is going to fix those things.
11. Don't answer questions with overly vague and obtuse answers.--A personal experience: I walk into the room, introduce myself, exchange pleasantries with the patient and wife. I look at the appointment notes and it says "left knee pain for 3 months". I ask, "So I see your left knee is bothering you. Tell me about it. What's been going on?" The answer really shouldn't be, "Oh, ya know. Life. Pain." This just sets a really awkward tone for the appointment and shows me that getting info from you is going to be like pulling teeth. Just don't do it.
12. Don't be a Dr. Google.--Explain to the doctor or PA/NP that you've researched your condition on the internet and think it could be this. Don't be offended if that's not your diagnosis. The practitioner shouldn't be offended by your research and should take the time to explain the differences in you and your internet searches. Being informed is never a bad thing though. But, just because some person on the web blogged about their diagnosis of acute intermittent porphyria, and you share a few symptoms, doesn't always mean you have it also.
13. Don't be on your phone when you being examined.--This is rude. When the practitioner walks in, turn it off or mute it. They are there for you. Please be courteous and be there for them. Candy crush can wait. This actually is quite rare, but yet, still happens.
14. When the practitioner walks in the room, please wake up.--This is directed more toward the younger patients, but parents should take notice. If I walk into the room and you are literally sleeping or lying down on the bed and refuse to sit up and speak to me like an adult, I will call you out. Parents, make your child sit up and speak.
15. When the appointment is for your loved one, don't ask to have yourself checked out.--This is along the lines of a "while you're at it" patient. We are here to discuss and care for your loved one. Not you. Please do not try to make the appointment about you. Trying to "2 for 1" the appointment is rude and inconsiderate to not only your loved one, but also the rest of the patients that day as well as the doctor/PA/NP and staff.
16. Don't magnify your pain.--Yes. I know you're in pain. I don't need the moaning, groaning, grimacing, and wincing when I simply put my hands on you.
17. Don't be a big, fat faker.--I am not sure how long you've been practicing your complaints or what you are saying is wrong with you, but if its not been longer than 7-10 years, I doubt you're going to fool the doctor. Just don't do it. It makes you look silly and we actually take great pride in documenting how your exam just doesn't make sense. We also enjoy explaining to the lawyers litigating your case how your exam didn't really make sense. P.S. We can actually see you walk to and from your car. It's a little obvious when you don't limp from your car, but horribly, the door of the practice or exam room causes a horrible limp.
Yes, it may seem like a bitter diatribe from a jaded medical practitioner, but you were warned. I am sure there are many more that others could add. I truly enjoy doing what I do and the patients represented by this list are actually few and far between. The ones not represented here actually do make what we do fun.
