Been giving a lot of thought recently to things like motivation, drive, inspiration...things of that nature. The back story to this is trying to motivate my sons to play their sports. Those that know me, know that I have a competitive streak in me and a nearly pathologic hatred of failure. I naturally want to see that embodied in my children when they compete in sports, but also in school and life as well. I base a lot of this on my participation in high school football (many, many years ago).
When I played football, I used music to get me jacked up. Very, very hateful music. The darker the better. It validated a feeling that my team and I were warriors or gladiators and the other team deserved to die. They were to be destroyed, decimated, broken, defeated. Only because they wore a different colored jersey than we did. I didn't know those other kids. They were from another town, another school. They were not us. I am sure they felt the same toward us, so I don't feel guilty about this! On the field, in the arena, we were enemies. Off the field, we probably could've been friends (doubt it...there are some schools that just deserve to be hated 'cough coughlintoncough cough'). All that to say, some of the best memories I have as an athlete are gathering in the locker room to hear our coach give the pre-game speech. We were a legion of warriors, closing ranks and readying ourselves to do battle. Gathered before our general. Our armor in place, we awaited our marching orders. Imagine:
"You guys are not as big or fast as these guys. You guys don't hit as hard as they do. They have so much more experience than you. It's kind of like 'Bug's Life' with the ants and grasshoppers. They are the grasshoppers and you are the ants." You just need to get out there and endure and be little ants because even though they're small, they can do lots of good stuff. We may not win this game, but as long as we learn from it, did we really lose? Now lets bring it in and get out there you little ants."
I believe the words you're looking for are something near to, "dafuck did I just read"?
This exact scenario literally played out. Names and locations may have been changed to protect the inept, but nonetheless, it still happened. WTF? Do you want to win or lose? Do you want to dominate? Do you want to step on their throats and close the deal? Ants? Are you fucking kidding me? So many lessons to be learned from this, but I will only list the ones I want to.
As a leader, coach, general, manager, person in charge of others; it is your job to motivate those in your charge to believe they are the superior team or group on the proverbial field of play whether it be the football field, baseball diamond, ice, or even the business world. Do you think the commander of SEAL Team 6 gave some lame ass speech before going after bin laden? NO! Because it's bullshit and is a weak ass, limp wristed attempt to motivate. Truth be told, will our team always be the biggest, fastest, most talented team on the pitch? Not likely. As a leader, do you point it out? No, you do not. You talk up your strength. You play up the other team's weaknesses. You invoke a sense of pride in the colors you wear as a team. You invoke a sense of team; an emotion of protecting your home turf.
I remember those speeches before our games and believing in the team. We believed in our coach. We knew he believed in us! Our heart was strengthened and our resolve hardened for the impending battle. We were invincible! We could beat anyone! We were a juggernaut and were unstoppable! We were not ants. We were not playing grasshoppers. We were not David and they were not Goliath. We were the biggest, baddest, scariest motherfuckers in the valley and the shadows feared us. We were immortal. This is what I try to make my boys feel like as they are prepping for a game, a test, even some daunting task that life brings. I beg, plead, and extol anyone aspiring to lead people: Don't let them down. Lead! Lead from the front! Believe in them! Show them they can believe in you! Show them they can believe in themselves, for God's sake! Don't you dare tell my kids they are ants playing grasshoppers. Don't you dare tell them they may lose, but if they learn something, its a moral victory.
To those being "led": STOP BASING YOUR MOTIVATION ON EXTERIOR SOURCES! You must have it in your heart to believe that you can win and that you deserve to win. If you have put in the blood, sweat, and tears, the pain, the punishments, the sacrifice, the going to practice when you really need to go with family or friends; if you done the time, you deserve to win. You must have that in your heart and in your spirit. You cannot rely upon some other person to motivate you. You cannot rely on some facebook meme to be your inspiration. Your motivation must come from within; from the fire in your belly and the hate in your heart for anyone that isn't your team. It must come from knowing you've worked your ass off and put in the effort. You have to be a fucking lion. You have to know that you are the fucking king. You are the fucking beast. You are the motherfucker that will get shit done and not make excuses.
A leader's job is not just to inspire or lead, but it is to build up and create new, better leaders. Don't be so intimidated by others' ability to lead. Don't take it as a challenge to your leadership when others rise up and lead as well. It is the culmination of you successfully creating another leader, of which this world is severely lacking.
As a people, we were not brought into this world in defeat. Stop acting like it.
Saturday, May 14, 2016
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Work for it!
Something has been really on my mind over the last few weeks. It's been more something that I have observed in others around me and sometimes myself. I think what really brought this to mind was the number of times that I heard someone say, "I wish I could do...", or "I really want...". I know I am not the only one that has said this and surely not the only one who has heard it. How many times have you heard someone say, "I wish I was as good a football player as my teammate." "I wish I was as fit as my favorite movie star." I see nothing wrong with goals. Everyone should have goals and things they want to accomplish. The problem lies in the lack of desire to pursue the goal. I see a tremendous lack of drive and desire to work for these goals they have and I have seen people just wallow in these wishes because they simply don't want to put in the time.
One of the problems I have seen is too many wishes. To me, a wish implies that somehow whatever is wished for, will magically happen out of thin air. Like the genie in the lamp. Rub the lamp and the genie grants the wishes and *poof*, the wisher gets what they want. It appears that today, some people don't even want to rub the lamp. Either they believe they are too good to do it or too lazy. Either way, they are doomed to end with disappointment. One simply does not wish to become a doctor. It takes thousands of hours of planning, prepping, studying, more planning, more studying, more work, sleepless nights, sleepless days, and did I say studying. How many people have the wish of being some life saving physician, but never accomplish it because they simply don't want to put in the work? I've said multiple times that I wish my car was better and didn't break down as much. But out of sheer laziness, I still have a car with these problems because I won't do the work. Isn't there an automotive fairy or genie I can wish to?
I've heard many people simply say, "can't you just give it to me?" "I deserve it." For some reason, people have this sense that they just deserve things without putting in the work. I have my opinions as to why they hold this thought. There is a sense of entitlement among people presently that causes them to expect to be given things and responsibility based on who they are or who they know or their gender or race and I believe this handicaps these people for thinking this way. They become reliant upon others simply to give them things rather than developing a work ethic and earning what they want or need. Contrary to the warped opinion held by some, no one is owed anything. People aren't entitled to one damn thing in this world. And nor should they be.
Some have what I call the Verruca Salt complex. If you remember her character from the Willy Wonka movie, one of the lyrics from her song was, "I don't care how. I want it now." Not only was this little witch of a girl spoiled rotten and had been given anything and everything she ever wanted, she never had to wait for anything. It seems that delayed gratification is a concept foreign to almost everyone. I think this was advanced mightily by the huge increase in the use of credit cards by the baby boomer generation as well as mine. Credit cards allow for the immediate gratification in purchasing something as opposed to my grandparent's generation who scrimped and saved to buy a pair of shoes or new pants for school. I am just as guilty of this. Delaying gratification allows for a deeper appreciation of whatever it is that is gratifying. When someone finally has that degree that they worked all those years to achieve, it means more and they will tend to do whatever it takes to protect their investment. When one can just run right out and get the best new thing on a credit card, they get the pleasure of the new thing, no pain of "losing money" and by making the purchase so easy and painless, the appreciation is not as deep.
It is my opinion that the people in my generation are those who are most responsible for this whole problem and I say that because we are the "participation ribbon" generation. Everyone gets a trophy. Everyone gets a medal. Everyone gets a ribbon. Frankly, not everyone deserves a trophy or ribbon. It is not a bad thing for someone on the baseball team to get the "superstar" award and someone to get the "most improved", and others to get nothing. Why does little Billy who strikes out and still runs to third, need a trophy. Yes, he needs coaching and encouragement. But I believe seeing someone else get honored, gives an example of what he can ascribe to achieve. It is not a bad thing to fail! It is not bad to make a mistake! It is worse that children are taught that "doing their best" is okay when sometimes it really is not. Failure teaches just as well as pain and probably better than success. I can attest that I have learned much more from my failures than I ever did in my successes. I learned more from getting and ass chewing by my football coach and an ass beating from teammates for screwing up than I would have if my coach said, " you did your best, it's okay." Failure at a task such as hitting a ball or throwing a football or shooting a puck or shooting a gun or driving a golf ball causes us to analyze what we did wrong, and not do it again. That is if we are willing to do that. I think its similar to touching a hot stove. Touch it, it hurts like hell. What am I not going to do anymore to keep from experiencing that pain again? Not touch that damn stove again. That's for sure. Participation ribbons have created a weak and lazy generation who believe simply showing up is enough. "I'm here, now give me my trophy."
It all comes down to work. You want something, get your ass out there and work for it. No one owes you one damn thing in this world. If you want it, you have to put in the time and effort to get it. Success is not given. It is earned and paid for with work and effort. It requires daily payments not one time installments. Don't be upset by the results you don't get, with the work that you didn't do! Success is not a participation ribbon or trophy. It is sitting down at the end of the day, beaten, tired, sweaty, emotionally drained, looking at that degree, paycheck, championship trophy, nice car, whatever it is that you got and knowing you did that. You made that. You earned it.
Look at you, badass. Keep up the grind.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
I Miss PA School.
I was watching the morning news while getting ready to go in for rounds early one day. I found myself listening to a segment on some of the highest earning careers in the US presently. I was somewhat surprised to see that the career of "Physician Assistant" was listed as one of the leading and highest earners currently in the US. "Nice! I just so happen to be in that career!" As I drove in to the hospital I was reminded of many of the thoughts I had leading up to PA school and all during the 27 months of pure hell. (And for those out there studying for PANCE/PANRE, a good memory device to remember Generalized Anxiety Disorder...PA School.) I was reminded of so many memories from that time that very few people understand and even fewer still actually get to experience. We were made infinitely comfortable with the special forces axiom that, "The last easy day was yesterday."
I remember the first day. My class was the first of it's kind at the University of St. Francis in so many ways and this was demonstrated clearly no sooner than 10 minutes into the first day of hell. Every student, all 26, showed up with a laptop computer. Every student showed up ready to delve into medicine utilizing technology that, while commonly used, had not been used at that level at that time at USF. The IT department didn't know what to do with us. They had wi-fi on campus, but it hadn't been made available on a consistent basis in the building within which we were going to spend the majority of our time. They didn't have power outlets for us to use at each of our seats. It was sight to see, people were bringing in surge protectors with 6 outlets and there were power cables everywhere. It was like an obstacle course trying to get in and out of the room and avoiding all the wires and computers. Eventually, the IT department was able to get us power outlets and consistent wifi. And, to show their appreciation of our understanding...they gave us all 1GB thumbdrives.
I remember being divided into our first study groups. We had no idea who each other were and we quickly found out if we could trust one another. We found out very quickly that our instructor's favorite answer to any question was, "why is that?" We learned how to get anatomy objectives done quickly and who was best "googling on yahoo". (If you get this, you were in my group.) We also knew they purposely put us in groups trying to create arguments or problems amongst us and we wouldn't bite. We all just got along.
We were one of the first classes to be able to utilize a cadaver in studying gross anatomy. Driving to IPFW for this class, we were allowed to meet an outstanding medical student who prosected our cadavers. You see, we actually had three cadavers. We were allowed to use an older cadaver upon which the ortho residents practiced procedures. We also had a cadaver that was a male, but a few weeks after opening, he began to grow something that resembled mold. It was felt best to bag this fellow up and not use him anymore. So we were sent another cadaver. It was supposed to be a female. It was a male. He had no head. Apparently, the head had been donated to a plastics program. Idk. Just a surreal feeling of looking at a human body with no head.
I remember our first test. I specifically remember one not doing as well as they thought they would do. This resulted in two classmates being accused of "meeting clandestinely to study behind their groups' back" and another person being condemned by threatening no absolution at her next confession. WTF? Who does that? (Again, if you were in my group, you get this.)
I remember being told that the squeaky wheel doesn't get greased. It gets kicked out.
I recall that the correct word for drainage from the body that has characteristics of infection and consisting of many white blood cells, sometimes yellow to green in color is purulent. Not pus**!
Having 1,000's of learning objectives on the first week of PBL.
Mad Anthony's after every test day for pitchers of Summer Daze.
One word...REMEDIATIONS.
So many fun memories and things that I will cherish forever. These type of things are born out of hardship and strife and bonds formed with those people who walked through it with you run deep and strong. That is what I miss the most. Those friendships formed created bonds that I still know and rely on. When I drive to work at the job I trained so hard for with these fine people, I still think of them and all we went through. I miss my PA school friends.
I remember the first day. My class was the first of it's kind at the University of St. Francis in so many ways and this was demonstrated clearly no sooner than 10 minutes into the first day of hell. Every student, all 26, showed up with a laptop computer. Every student showed up ready to delve into medicine utilizing technology that, while commonly used, had not been used at that level at that time at USF. The IT department didn't know what to do with us. They had wi-fi on campus, but it hadn't been made available on a consistent basis in the building within which we were going to spend the majority of our time. They didn't have power outlets for us to use at each of our seats. It was sight to see, people were bringing in surge protectors with 6 outlets and there were power cables everywhere. It was like an obstacle course trying to get in and out of the room and avoiding all the wires and computers. Eventually, the IT department was able to get us power outlets and consistent wifi. And, to show their appreciation of our understanding...they gave us all 1GB thumbdrives.
I remember being divided into our first study groups. We had no idea who each other were and we quickly found out if we could trust one another. We found out very quickly that our instructor's favorite answer to any question was, "why is that?" We learned how to get anatomy objectives done quickly and who was best "googling on yahoo". (If you get this, you were in my group.) We also knew they purposely put us in groups trying to create arguments or problems amongst us and we wouldn't bite. We all just got along.
We were one of the first classes to be able to utilize a cadaver in studying gross anatomy. Driving to IPFW for this class, we were allowed to meet an outstanding medical student who prosected our cadavers. You see, we actually had three cadavers. We were allowed to use an older cadaver upon which the ortho residents practiced procedures. We also had a cadaver that was a male, but a few weeks after opening, he began to grow something that resembled mold. It was felt best to bag this fellow up and not use him anymore. So we were sent another cadaver. It was supposed to be a female. It was a male. He had no head. Apparently, the head had been donated to a plastics program. Idk. Just a surreal feeling of looking at a human body with no head.
I remember our first test. I specifically remember one not doing as well as they thought they would do. This resulted in two classmates being accused of "meeting clandestinely to study behind their groups' back" and another person being condemned by threatening no absolution at her next confession. WTF? Who does that? (Again, if you were in my group, you get this.)
I remember being told that the squeaky wheel doesn't get greased. It gets kicked out.
I recall that the correct word for drainage from the body that has characteristics of infection and consisting of many white blood cells, sometimes yellow to green in color is purulent. Not pus**!
Having 1,000's of learning objectives on the first week of PBL.
Mad Anthony's after every test day for pitchers of Summer Daze.
One word...REMEDIATIONS.
So many fun memories and things that I will cherish forever. These type of things are born out of hardship and strife and bonds formed with those people who walked through it with you run deep and strong. That is what I miss the most. Those friendships formed created bonds that I still know and rely on. When I drive to work at the job I trained so hard for with these fine people, I still think of them and all we went through. I miss my PA school friends.
Saturday, August 2, 2014
Examples of How Not to Behave in the Doctor's Office
The medical field is rife with stories of notorious patients and "war stories" from doctors, nurses, and virtually anyone who has laid hands on a patient. We've all seen or heard about the patient who had the most gross injury or diagnosis. This is not about that at all. This is more a diatribe or rant about those problem patients who behave in such a way that everyone in the office cringes when they see their name on the schedule. The following is a set of examples of how not to behave in a medical office.
1. Don't be late.--Yes, we know that the doctor runs behind and this in turn is an inconvenience to you and everyone else on the schedule. We do not plan for that to happen, yet it almost always does. We try to get you in to see to doctor as close to your scheduled time as possible, but some times, there are just things that are beyond our control and cause us to run behind. There are some examples of these later! If you are late, CALL THE OFFICE! Ask them if its okay to still come or if you need to reschedule. Most of the time, we can work you back in to the schedule and make sure you get taken care of. Nothing is more annoying than when a patient shows up late 20 mins late for the appointment and then makes an ass of themselves so that they can be seen. I will almost always try and work someone in if they call ahead to let me know. P.S. most offices have a 15 minute "no show" policy and if you are 15 mins late, you will not get in.
2. Don't be a dick.--When things in the office aren't going to your liking, being a dick to the office staff or nursing staff will not win you any friends and will actually end up making life miserable for you. There is a rule in medicine that some people must learn the hard way--don't piss off the nurse! They will make sure you have all you need to be taken care of, but you may not enjoy it as much. Being rude to the office staff does not make you look like you are important or a VIP. It makes you look like a dick and the office staff will speak to the doctor and you will most likely end up being called out by the doctor and made to look a fool. Just don't do it. Furthermore, when you call in and yell or cuss out the nurses answering the phone and listening to your problems; it doesn't help your cause either. We understand that you are upset, but belittling someone who really just answers a phone is getting you nowhere.
3. Don't name drop.--When in medicine, we are trained to treat everyone the same way. We try to treat everyone with professionalism and decency. Dropping the name of the CEO or another doctor doesn't really impress anyone and really doesn't mean you're going to get something that someone else does not. You will be treated exactly as current standards of care dictate.
4. Don't be a "while you're at it' patient.--This is one of those reasons why offices run late. A patient makes an appointment to be seen for one thing. They get back to the room and while being examined for said malady, say the following, "Well, my so and so has also been acting up. I figured while you were at it, you could look at that too." This is disrespectful and rude also. It is rude to the doctor and staff who planned a certain amount of time for your appointment and now must take more time to look at other problems. Now they are going to either miss lunch or get home later than they thought. It is rude to the other patients because you are forcing them to have their appointment times be pushed back. If you made an appointment to have the brakes on your car serviced, would you show up and ask the technician to flush the radiator, change the oil, change the spark plugs, and service the transmission and then still expect the entire appointment to go no longer than the allotted time?
5. Don't be passive in your own healthcare.--"I'll do whatever you think I should do, doctor." This type of behavior is not helpful and actually infers that the provider is going to take a paternalistic role in your care. We are trained not to do this. When you are in a medical office, the doctor, PA, nurse, etc. are there to help you in the best capacity they can. They are not there to be your parent or to take charge of what happens to you. You have the ultimate say in what happens and after hearing treatment recommendations, make your own decision. Doctors and PAs are there to provide you the best information they can. It is your responsibility to act on it or not. Doctors are supposed to work with you, not simply do things to you. We want you to take an active roll in your care. It shows responsibility and ownership. A perfect example of this would be a patient undergoing bariatric surgery and after the procedure, continuing to eat the way they used to. Or better yet, a patient diagnosed with diabetes going to the doctor to be put on insulin and still making sure he gets his Dunkin Donuts every morning thinking that the doctor will just tell him to take more insulin to cover it. All that said, ask questions. Ask what recommended medications do and don't do. Ask about side effects and interactions. Ask about research, about new treatments. Be an active participant, not just a passenger. Take what the medical team says to heart and actually do it.
6. Don't think that getting a second opinion is going to offend the doctor.--Any physician worth their salt will not be offended in your getting a second opinion. They should believe in their recommendations enough to know that any other physician will say the same thing. Further, they will likely mention several names of doctors that they would recommend you see. One may ask though, are you getting a second opinion because you want to be thorough or are you just hoping someone will tell you what you want to hear? A word of advise would be not to use it as an actual threat. Meaning, "If I can't get my surgery before the end of the year, I'm going to go to the practice across town to get it done." It really doesn't make you look any better, and actually your surgeon will say, by all means, knowing that the practice across town is just as busy at that time of year.
7. Don't be so demanding.--I realize this sort of contradicts Number 5, but hear me out. A patient goes to the office with a cold. These are typically viral, and the usual course is to treat the symptoms and the body will take care of it in a 1-2 weeks. Your doctor will not likely order tests or antibiotics as they are not needed in this scenario, and will only serve to drive up the cost of healthcare. In this example, you don't need a chest CT, lab work, MRI, physical therapy, antibiotics, and a whole host of other demands. A caveat to this would be if the doctor actually does want to do some tests, like x-rays for example, don't refuse them. If you want a complete exam, then go with what the doctor suggests in the work up. You wouldn't go to a mechanic and tell them everything that is going on with your car and then refuse to let them look under the hood, would you?
8. Don't go through the drawers and help yourself to stuff in there.--The drawers in the rooms are there for the workers to take care of you. If you loot them, then it only makes things harder for you. This also forces up the cost of care. Those things aren't free and really, you're taking band-aids. P.S. We don't keep needles or medicine in those drawers. So...just don't. We can hear the doors and drawers opening and shutting and at the end of the day, they have to be restocked costing money.
9. Don't discount the treatment until you've actually tried it.--After you've been examined and the diagnosis has been discussed and treatment is recommended. Have a little courtesy by not saying, "yeah, I know that won't work." Unless, you've actually already tried it with an honest effort, then you have no idea.
10. Don't equate chiropractic adjustments to therapy for your malady.--Countless times I have examined a patient and have found that one of the first things they've done is go to the "choirpracter". I understand that they work a lot with the spine and are probably adept at adjusting the spine, but if you have a meniscus tear or urinary tract infection or diabetes; see an expert in those fields. No amount of adjustment is going to fix those things.
11. Don't answer questions with overly vague and obtuse answers.--A personal experience: I walk into the room, introduce myself, exchange pleasantries with the patient and wife. I look at the appointment notes and it says "left knee pain for 3 months". I ask, "So I see your left knee is bothering you. Tell me about it. What's been going on?" The answer really shouldn't be, "Oh, ya know. Life. Pain." This just sets a really awkward tone for the appointment and shows me that getting info from you is going to be like pulling teeth. Just don't do it.
12. Don't be a Dr. Google.--Explain to the doctor or PA/NP that you've researched your condition on the internet and think it could be this. Don't be offended if that's not your diagnosis. The practitioner shouldn't be offended by your research and should take the time to explain the differences in you and your internet searches. Being informed is never a bad thing though. But, just because some person on the web blogged about their diagnosis of acute intermittent porphyria, and you share a few symptoms, doesn't always mean you have it also.
13. Don't be on your phone when you being examined.--This is rude. When the practitioner walks in, turn it off or mute it. They are there for you. Please be courteous and be there for them. Candy crush can wait. This actually is quite rare, but yet, still happens.
14. When the practitioner walks in the room, please wake up.--This is directed more toward the younger patients, but parents should take notice. If I walk into the room and you are literally sleeping or lying down on the bed and refuse to sit up and speak to me like an adult, I will call you out. Parents, make your child sit up and speak.
15. When the appointment is for your loved one, don't ask to have yourself checked out.--This is along the lines of a "while you're at it" patient. We are here to discuss and care for your loved one. Not you. Please do not try to make the appointment about you. Trying to "2 for 1" the appointment is rude and inconsiderate to not only your loved one, but also the rest of the patients that day as well as the doctor/PA/NP and staff.
16. Don't magnify your pain.--Yes. I know you're in pain. I don't need the moaning, groaning, grimacing, and wincing when I simply put my hands on you.
17. Don't be a big, fat faker.--I am not sure how long you've been practicing your complaints or what you are saying is wrong with you, but if its not been longer than 7-10 years, I doubt you're going to fool the doctor. Just don't do it. It makes you look silly and we actually take great pride in documenting how your exam just doesn't make sense. We also enjoy explaining to the lawyers litigating your case how your exam didn't really make sense. P.S. We can actually see you walk to and from your car. It's a little obvious when you don't limp from your car, but horribly, the door of the practice or exam room causes a horrible limp.
Yes, it may seem like a bitter diatribe from a jaded medical practitioner, but you were warned. I am sure there are many more that others could add. I truly enjoy doing what I do and the patients represented by this list are actually few and far between. The ones not represented here actually do make what we do fun.
1. Don't be late.--Yes, we know that the doctor runs behind and this in turn is an inconvenience to you and everyone else on the schedule. We do not plan for that to happen, yet it almost always does. We try to get you in to see to doctor as close to your scheduled time as possible, but some times, there are just things that are beyond our control and cause us to run behind. There are some examples of these later! If you are late, CALL THE OFFICE! Ask them if its okay to still come or if you need to reschedule. Most of the time, we can work you back in to the schedule and make sure you get taken care of. Nothing is more annoying than when a patient shows up late 20 mins late for the appointment and then makes an ass of themselves so that they can be seen. I will almost always try and work someone in if they call ahead to let me know. P.S. most offices have a 15 minute "no show" policy and if you are 15 mins late, you will not get in.
2. Don't be a dick.--When things in the office aren't going to your liking, being a dick to the office staff or nursing staff will not win you any friends and will actually end up making life miserable for you. There is a rule in medicine that some people must learn the hard way--don't piss off the nurse! They will make sure you have all you need to be taken care of, but you may not enjoy it as much. Being rude to the office staff does not make you look like you are important or a VIP. It makes you look like a dick and the office staff will speak to the doctor and you will most likely end up being called out by the doctor and made to look a fool. Just don't do it. Furthermore, when you call in and yell or cuss out the nurses answering the phone and listening to your problems; it doesn't help your cause either. We understand that you are upset, but belittling someone who really just answers a phone is getting you nowhere.
3. Don't name drop.--When in medicine, we are trained to treat everyone the same way. We try to treat everyone with professionalism and decency. Dropping the name of the CEO or another doctor doesn't really impress anyone and really doesn't mean you're going to get something that someone else does not. You will be treated exactly as current standards of care dictate.
4. Don't be a "while you're at it' patient.--This is one of those reasons why offices run late. A patient makes an appointment to be seen for one thing. They get back to the room and while being examined for said malady, say the following, "Well, my so and so has also been acting up. I figured while you were at it, you could look at that too." This is disrespectful and rude also. It is rude to the doctor and staff who planned a certain amount of time for your appointment and now must take more time to look at other problems. Now they are going to either miss lunch or get home later than they thought. It is rude to the other patients because you are forcing them to have their appointment times be pushed back. If you made an appointment to have the brakes on your car serviced, would you show up and ask the technician to flush the radiator, change the oil, change the spark plugs, and service the transmission and then still expect the entire appointment to go no longer than the allotted time?
5. Don't be passive in your own healthcare.--"I'll do whatever you think I should do, doctor." This type of behavior is not helpful and actually infers that the provider is going to take a paternalistic role in your care. We are trained not to do this. When you are in a medical office, the doctor, PA, nurse, etc. are there to help you in the best capacity they can. They are not there to be your parent or to take charge of what happens to you. You have the ultimate say in what happens and after hearing treatment recommendations, make your own decision. Doctors and PAs are there to provide you the best information they can. It is your responsibility to act on it or not. Doctors are supposed to work with you, not simply do things to you. We want you to take an active roll in your care. It shows responsibility and ownership. A perfect example of this would be a patient undergoing bariatric surgery and after the procedure, continuing to eat the way they used to. Or better yet, a patient diagnosed with diabetes going to the doctor to be put on insulin and still making sure he gets his Dunkin Donuts every morning thinking that the doctor will just tell him to take more insulin to cover it. All that said, ask questions. Ask what recommended medications do and don't do. Ask about side effects and interactions. Ask about research, about new treatments. Be an active participant, not just a passenger. Take what the medical team says to heart and actually do it.
6. Don't think that getting a second opinion is going to offend the doctor.--Any physician worth their salt will not be offended in your getting a second opinion. They should believe in their recommendations enough to know that any other physician will say the same thing. Further, they will likely mention several names of doctors that they would recommend you see. One may ask though, are you getting a second opinion because you want to be thorough or are you just hoping someone will tell you what you want to hear? A word of advise would be not to use it as an actual threat. Meaning, "If I can't get my surgery before the end of the year, I'm going to go to the practice across town to get it done." It really doesn't make you look any better, and actually your surgeon will say, by all means, knowing that the practice across town is just as busy at that time of year.
7. Don't be so demanding.--I realize this sort of contradicts Number 5, but hear me out. A patient goes to the office with a cold. These are typically viral, and the usual course is to treat the symptoms and the body will take care of it in a 1-2 weeks. Your doctor will not likely order tests or antibiotics as they are not needed in this scenario, and will only serve to drive up the cost of healthcare. In this example, you don't need a chest CT, lab work, MRI, physical therapy, antibiotics, and a whole host of other demands. A caveat to this would be if the doctor actually does want to do some tests, like x-rays for example, don't refuse them. If you want a complete exam, then go with what the doctor suggests in the work up. You wouldn't go to a mechanic and tell them everything that is going on with your car and then refuse to let them look under the hood, would you?
8. Don't go through the drawers and help yourself to stuff in there.--The drawers in the rooms are there for the workers to take care of you. If you loot them, then it only makes things harder for you. This also forces up the cost of care. Those things aren't free and really, you're taking band-aids. P.S. We don't keep needles or medicine in those drawers. So...just don't. We can hear the doors and drawers opening and shutting and at the end of the day, they have to be restocked costing money.
9. Don't discount the treatment until you've actually tried it.--After you've been examined and the diagnosis has been discussed and treatment is recommended. Have a little courtesy by not saying, "yeah, I know that won't work." Unless, you've actually already tried it with an honest effort, then you have no idea.
10. Don't equate chiropractic adjustments to therapy for your malady.--Countless times I have examined a patient and have found that one of the first things they've done is go to the "choirpracter". I understand that they work a lot with the spine and are probably adept at adjusting the spine, but if you have a meniscus tear or urinary tract infection or diabetes; see an expert in those fields. No amount of adjustment is going to fix those things.
11. Don't answer questions with overly vague and obtuse answers.--A personal experience: I walk into the room, introduce myself, exchange pleasantries with the patient and wife. I look at the appointment notes and it says "left knee pain for 3 months". I ask, "So I see your left knee is bothering you. Tell me about it. What's been going on?" The answer really shouldn't be, "Oh, ya know. Life. Pain." This just sets a really awkward tone for the appointment and shows me that getting info from you is going to be like pulling teeth. Just don't do it.
12. Don't be a Dr. Google.--Explain to the doctor or PA/NP that you've researched your condition on the internet and think it could be this. Don't be offended if that's not your diagnosis. The practitioner shouldn't be offended by your research and should take the time to explain the differences in you and your internet searches. Being informed is never a bad thing though. But, just because some person on the web blogged about their diagnosis of acute intermittent porphyria, and you share a few symptoms, doesn't always mean you have it also.
13. Don't be on your phone when you being examined.--This is rude. When the practitioner walks in, turn it off or mute it. They are there for you. Please be courteous and be there for them. Candy crush can wait. This actually is quite rare, but yet, still happens.
14. When the practitioner walks in the room, please wake up.--This is directed more toward the younger patients, but parents should take notice. If I walk into the room and you are literally sleeping or lying down on the bed and refuse to sit up and speak to me like an adult, I will call you out. Parents, make your child sit up and speak.
15. When the appointment is for your loved one, don't ask to have yourself checked out.--This is along the lines of a "while you're at it" patient. We are here to discuss and care for your loved one. Not you. Please do not try to make the appointment about you. Trying to "2 for 1" the appointment is rude and inconsiderate to not only your loved one, but also the rest of the patients that day as well as the doctor/PA/NP and staff.
16. Don't magnify your pain.--Yes. I know you're in pain. I don't need the moaning, groaning, grimacing, and wincing when I simply put my hands on you.
17. Don't be a big, fat faker.--I am not sure how long you've been practicing your complaints or what you are saying is wrong with you, but if its not been longer than 7-10 years, I doubt you're going to fool the doctor. Just don't do it. It makes you look silly and we actually take great pride in documenting how your exam just doesn't make sense. We also enjoy explaining to the lawyers litigating your case how your exam didn't really make sense. P.S. We can actually see you walk to and from your car. It's a little obvious when you don't limp from your car, but horribly, the door of the practice or exam room causes a horrible limp.
Yes, it may seem like a bitter diatribe from a jaded medical practitioner, but you were warned. I am sure there are many more that others could add. I truly enjoy doing what I do and the patients represented by this list are actually few and far between. The ones not represented here actually do make what we do fun.
Friday, February 7, 2014
A Letter to My Boys
Boys:
As my boys, you are my pride. I want every success for you in life. I know life will bring challenges and disappointment. It will bring highs and lows and I hope the next few words can help, even a little along the way.
-You both are my boys. I will always have your back. If you need me, ask, and I'll move the world.
-Have each other's back. You are brothers and will not always get along, but make sure no one ever puts the other one down.
-Honor your mother. She gave you life. She puts up with so much from all of us and still sticks around. Make sure you treat her like the queen that she is.
-Plan on life kicking you in the nuts. Get over it. It hurts, and it stops. Don't linger on it. Move on.
-Go to college. The days of being able to make a living without a degree are over.
-One day you'll get a paycheck. Save part of it back.
-When you get paid, don't forget to enjoy your money and have SOME fun.
-Live within your means.
-Good friends are hard to come by. When you have one, make sure you have their back, always.
-Command respect.
-Give respect where it is earned.
-Never grovel to anyone.
-Don't let anyone put you down.
-All you have when you enter the world is your name. Whenever you do something, you sign your name to it. What do you want people to think when they hear your name?
-Exercise regularly.
-Eat right, but indulge occasionally.
-Don't tolerate a bully. They are weak and prey on fear.
-If you or someone else is being bullied, stand up to them.
-Don't be afraid to get in a fist fight. If you lose, suck it up. Lick your wounds. If you win, don't gloat.
-Remember, there is always someone bigger and stronger along the way that will kick your ass.
-Never quit. Don't ever, ever quit. If you quit once, it becomes easier and easier.
-Whatever job you end up with, do it better than anyone else. Be the example of what people say everyone should be.
-Girlfriends will come and go. Treat them with respect and honor.
-Never say or do anything to a girl that you wouldn't want her Father to hear or see.
-Never let a girl take advantage of you.
-Never hit a woman and never let a woman get hit.
-When you find the right girl, treat her right. Stay with her and do whatever it takes to make her happy.
-When you get married, your wife is The Most Important Person in you life, no matter what. More than me, your mom, your brother, eventual kids.
-Do something that everyone says can't be done.
-Do something that you think is impossible.
-Learn how to drive a manual transmission.
-Know how to change the oil and tires in your car.
-Learn how to start a fire without a match or lighter.
-Study the people running for office and vote.
-Tolerate everyone, but never allow that tolerance to cause you to forfeit your beliefs.
-Family comes first.
-Don't be afraid to stand up for what you believe. No one will ever fault you for that.
-Plan on repercussions if what you believe in is contrary to the popular opinion.
-Don't chew your nails. Use a nail clipper.
-Be a good winner. No one likes an asshole who just beat them.
-Want to look good in front of others? Lift others up, don't put them down.
-Want to look smart? Surround yourself with others that are better than you at something.
-Don't be so serious that you can't laugh at yourself.
-Give credit where credit is due. If someone around you does well, compliment them in front of others.
-Lift your wife up in front of others. Indulge in talking endlessly about how great she is. Talk about how beautiful she is. Tell people who wonderful she is. Tell everyone how well she treats you.
-Know how to cook one thing, really well.
-Treat animals well. No one likes a guy who mistreats animals.
So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing afriend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none. When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home. --Chief Techumseh
Love,
Dad
As my boys, you are my pride. I want every success for you in life. I know life will bring challenges and disappointment. It will bring highs and lows and I hope the next few words can help, even a little along the way.
-You both are my boys. I will always have your back. If you need me, ask, and I'll move the world.
-Have each other's back. You are brothers and will not always get along, but make sure no one ever puts the other one down.
-Honor your mother. She gave you life. She puts up with so much from all of us and still sticks around. Make sure you treat her like the queen that she is.
-Plan on life kicking you in the nuts. Get over it. It hurts, and it stops. Don't linger on it. Move on.
-Go to college. The days of being able to make a living without a degree are over.
-One day you'll get a paycheck. Save part of it back.
-When you get paid, don't forget to enjoy your money and have SOME fun.
-Live within your means.
-Good friends are hard to come by. When you have one, make sure you have their back, always.
-Command respect.
-Give respect where it is earned.
-Never grovel to anyone.
-Don't let anyone put you down.
-All you have when you enter the world is your name. Whenever you do something, you sign your name to it. What do you want people to think when they hear your name?
-Exercise regularly.
-Eat right, but indulge occasionally.
-Don't tolerate a bully. They are weak and prey on fear.
-If you or someone else is being bullied, stand up to them.
-Don't be afraid to get in a fist fight. If you lose, suck it up. Lick your wounds. If you win, don't gloat.
-Remember, there is always someone bigger and stronger along the way that will kick your ass.
-Never quit. Don't ever, ever quit. If you quit once, it becomes easier and easier.
-Whatever job you end up with, do it better than anyone else. Be the example of what people say everyone should be.
-Girlfriends will come and go. Treat them with respect and honor.
-Never say or do anything to a girl that you wouldn't want her Father to hear or see.
-Never let a girl take advantage of you.
-Never hit a woman and never let a woman get hit.
-When you find the right girl, treat her right. Stay with her and do whatever it takes to make her happy.
-When you get married, your wife is The Most Important Person in you life, no matter what. More than me, your mom, your brother, eventual kids.
-Do something that everyone says can't be done.
-Do something that you think is impossible.
-Learn how to drive a manual transmission.
-Know how to change the oil and tires in your car.
-Learn how to start a fire without a match or lighter.
-Study the people running for office and vote.
-Tolerate everyone, but never allow that tolerance to cause you to forfeit your beliefs.
-Family comes first.
-Don't be afraid to stand up for what you believe. No one will ever fault you for that.
-Plan on repercussions if what you believe in is contrary to the popular opinion.
-Don't chew your nails. Use a nail clipper.
-Be a good winner. No one likes an asshole who just beat them.
-Want to look good in front of others? Lift others up, don't put them down.
-Want to look smart? Surround yourself with others that are better than you at something.
-Don't be so serious that you can't laugh at yourself.
-Give credit where credit is due. If someone around you does well, compliment them in front of others.
-Lift your wife up in front of others. Indulge in talking endlessly about how great she is. Talk about how beautiful she is. Tell people who wonderful she is. Tell everyone how well she treats you.
-Know how to cook one thing, really well.
-Treat animals well. No one likes a guy who mistreats animals.
So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing afriend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none. When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home. --Chief Techumseh
Love,
Dad
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Bully
Bullying seems to have made a resurgence in the media of late. In the past week, I have counted no less than two news stories about teens who have decided to end their lives as a result of being bullied. In at least one case, the bullying took place over the span of a year and what appears to be two different schools.
Allow me to share my experience with this. I was in sixth grade. There was a bully that thought I was his punching bag. In our school, we had a rather large playground and at that time, sixth graders still got recess. This boy would seek me out to inflict his punishment. If I was playing kickball, he'd find me and either take my spot or physically beat on me. If I was somewhere else on the playground, he'd still find me. I tried the walking away strategy. I'd walk away to his verbal abuse. Words don't mean anything anyway, didn't really make a big deal, but still when another student makes you look stupid in front of the whole class..."sting" is a good way to put it. I tried the simple avoidance strategy. I'd be on the playground, head on a swivel. If he looked like he was coming toward me, I'd find an out. One day, I'd had enough. He cornered me on this wooden jungle gym thing, literally. He'd backed me into a corner on this elevated platform. He had assumed the typical bully posture of grabbing my shirt and essentially getting nose-to-nose. I don't remember to this day, how it happened but I reversed the situation and had him almost pushed over the rail and about to take a tumble to the ground about 5 feet below. A teacher spotted this and put a stop to it. We were warned and told not to be "rough housing". I think that lasted about a week. We were on the playground and he decided it was then that he was going to take issue with me for the jungle gym incident. I had been taking Tae Kwon Do lessons for a while during all of this. I think I was a yellow belt. After the first incident, I decided I had it in me to no longer be the victim to this asshole. He started pushing and I assumed a defensive stance, ready to square off. He did the "bully thing" and berated me for squaring off and charged. I never threw one punch. I did leg sweep after leg sweep until finally ending up mounted on top of him. By this time, a teacher had seen what was taking place and came to his rescue. In retrospect, he then assumed the role of the victim. He cried to the teacher that I was "using that karate stuff on me." I do not deny that I was using my martial arts training to defend myself. I used it in the manner of which I was trained. I had successfully defended myself against this bully. However, now I was being frog marched into the office and was about to be expelled from sixth grade for "fighting".
They told me that I needed to call a parent. We were both being suspended. I called my Dad. I knew what would happen. They didn't. My dad came and picked me up, took me home and then sat me down and had me recall, roughly, the entire two weeks of bullying from this kid. It was a Friday when this happened, so we were told to meet back at the principal's office with our parents on Monday morning before school. I showed up with my parents. The other kid and his parents no-showed. I was told to sit outside, but I didn't need to be in the room to know what was said. Needless to say, this was never found on my record, I was not bullied anymore, and I don't recall the kid ever showing back up in school.
I know firsthand the role of the bullied and, as a result, I have a very low opinion of bullies. I also have a low tolerance for the bullshit handed forth by bullies. Bullies are weak. They are poor excuses for human beings. They are empty on the inside. I believe they seek to make someone else feel bad about who they are because the bullies feel bad about who they are. I could entertain other people's opinions about how they come from a broken home or from a home devoid of love and hugs and kisses. Maybe they needed more unicorn farts in their life. I DON'T CARE! Bullies are bullies and deserve to be put in their place by anyone with a set of balls (whether actual balls, lady balls, or just metaphysical balls) and the willingness to do so. Which brings up the situations at hand in the media right now.
I think this has been brought about by our PC, lovey-dovey, feel good, everyone gets a ribbon culture which has spawned this "zero-tolerance" policy that so many school districts have adopted. I think zero tolerance is a cop out. To punish the victim in these instances is the same as punishing the rape victim and the rapist because the rapist perpetrated the act, but the victim was a participant in the act. I think it is a weak minded policy that makes it easy for school administrators to punish fighting, which should be punished, yet not have to get their hands dirty and make any judgements about the parties involved. Maybe there needs to be some judgement. Maybe bullies need to be called out. Maybe these assholes need to be put in their place when they're young before they get older. Maybe someone just needs to let them get their asses beaten to prove to them that they don't get to act this way as a functioning member of society. I ask you, "What's wrong with telling a kid, "Hey, you're being an asshole and this type of behavior is not going to get you far in life and may in fact get you killed."?"
My solution:
Schools today have become one of the most monitored entities in the country. My son has a laptop form the school and there is a firewall set up that will notify the IS department if he is on inappropriate sites. There are multiple cameras set up in his high school. There are teachers everywhere. I cannot believe that the potential does not exist to watch these kids almost everywhere. I believe that teachers are not bouncers. I don't think they are there to break up fights, but they are there to maintain the safety of the kids in that school. If they see a kid getting bullied, why do they need to wait until either the victim commits suicide or they bring a weapon into the school to exact their revenge. They should have the capacity to stop that bully in his tracks. The victim has no place in the punishment equation. That bully will no longer be attending that school after one occurrence.
Second, parents are going to have to assume a bit of responsibility here. They need to be checking in on their kids' social media sites. They need to be ingraining the mentality that bullies are not to be tolerated. They need to be teaching their kids to stand up to bullies and not fear repercussions from the school.
Bottom line: Agree or disagree with me, but I think the kids picking on other kids and bullying them, need their ass kicked somewhere up around the vicinity of their shoulderblades. They need to know that there are more people that just want to live peacefully than there are who want to make themselves feel better about themselves by pushing others down. They need to realize that those peace-loving people will beat wholesale ass when provoked by a bully.
I'll say it here and now: I have taught my children that they are not to suffer any bully. If they are bullied, they have every right to physically defend themselves if left with no other alternative. They are also to stand up for anyone else they see getting bullied. They are also taught that if they are bullied and have to fight, they better finish it and stomp a mudhole so deep in that kids ass that he feels pain every time he just walks by them. They are taught that I will defend their right to defend themselves to the nth degree. I will go to the school and let the admins know of their failures. I will seek legal counsel if necessary.
The only zero tolerance that should be in effect today is that of bullying. Zero tolerance does not mean expelling the perpetrator and victim. It is the intolerance of the act of bullying.
Allow me to share my experience with this. I was in sixth grade. There was a bully that thought I was his punching bag. In our school, we had a rather large playground and at that time, sixth graders still got recess. This boy would seek me out to inflict his punishment. If I was playing kickball, he'd find me and either take my spot or physically beat on me. If I was somewhere else on the playground, he'd still find me. I tried the walking away strategy. I'd walk away to his verbal abuse. Words don't mean anything anyway, didn't really make a big deal, but still when another student makes you look stupid in front of the whole class..."sting" is a good way to put it. I tried the simple avoidance strategy. I'd be on the playground, head on a swivel. If he looked like he was coming toward me, I'd find an out. One day, I'd had enough. He cornered me on this wooden jungle gym thing, literally. He'd backed me into a corner on this elevated platform. He had assumed the typical bully posture of grabbing my shirt and essentially getting nose-to-nose. I don't remember to this day, how it happened but I reversed the situation and had him almost pushed over the rail and about to take a tumble to the ground about 5 feet below. A teacher spotted this and put a stop to it. We were warned and told not to be "rough housing". I think that lasted about a week. We were on the playground and he decided it was then that he was going to take issue with me for the jungle gym incident. I had been taking Tae Kwon Do lessons for a while during all of this. I think I was a yellow belt. After the first incident, I decided I had it in me to no longer be the victim to this asshole. He started pushing and I assumed a defensive stance, ready to square off. He did the "bully thing" and berated me for squaring off and charged. I never threw one punch. I did leg sweep after leg sweep until finally ending up mounted on top of him. By this time, a teacher had seen what was taking place and came to his rescue. In retrospect, he then assumed the role of the victim. He cried to the teacher that I was "using that karate stuff on me." I do not deny that I was using my martial arts training to defend myself. I used it in the manner of which I was trained. I had successfully defended myself against this bully. However, now I was being frog marched into the office and was about to be expelled from sixth grade for "fighting".
They told me that I needed to call a parent. We were both being suspended. I called my Dad. I knew what would happen. They didn't. My dad came and picked me up, took me home and then sat me down and had me recall, roughly, the entire two weeks of bullying from this kid. It was a Friday when this happened, so we were told to meet back at the principal's office with our parents on Monday morning before school. I showed up with my parents. The other kid and his parents no-showed. I was told to sit outside, but I didn't need to be in the room to know what was said. Needless to say, this was never found on my record, I was not bullied anymore, and I don't recall the kid ever showing back up in school.
I know firsthand the role of the bullied and, as a result, I have a very low opinion of bullies. I also have a low tolerance for the bullshit handed forth by bullies. Bullies are weak. They are poor excuses for human beings. They are empty on the inside. I believe they seek to make someone else feel bad about who they are because the bullies feel bad about who they are. I could entertain other people's opinions about how they come from a broken home or from a home devoid of love and hugs and kisses. Maybe they needed more unicorn farts in their life. I DON'T CARE! Bullies are bullies and deserve to be put in their place by anyone with a set of balls (whether actual balls, lady balls, or just metaphysical balls) and the willingness to do so. Which brings up the situations at hand in the media right now.
I think this has been brought about by our PC, lovey-dovey, feel good, everyone gets a ribbon culture which has spawned this "zero-tolerance" policy that so many school districts have adopted. I think zero tolerance is a cop out. To punish the victim in these instances is the same as punishing the rape victim and the rapist because the rapist perpetrated the act, but the victim was a participant in the act. I think it is a weak minded policy that makes it easy for school administrators to punish fighting, which should be punished, yet not have to get their hands dirty and make any judgements about the parties involved. Maybe there needs to be some judgement. Maybe bullies need to be called out. Maybe these assholes need to be put in their place when they're young before they get older. Maybe someone just needs to let them get their asses beaten to prove to them that they don't get to act this way as a functioning member of society. I ask you, "What's wrong with telling a kid, "Hey, you're being an asshole and this type of behavior is not going to get you far in life and may in fact get you killed."?"
My solution:
Schools today have become one of the most monitored entities in the country. My son has a laptop form the school and there is a firewall set up that will notify the IS department if he is on inappropriate sites. There are multiple cameras set up in his high school. There are teachers everywhere. I cannot believe that the potential does not exist to watch these kids almost everywhere. I believe that teachers are not bouncers. I don't think they are there to break up fights, but they are there to maintain the safety of the kids in that school. If they see a kid getting bullied, why do they need to wait until either the victim commits suicide or they bring a weapon into the school to exact their revenge. They should have the capacity to stop that bully in his tracks. The victim has no place in the punishment equation. That bully will no longer be attending that school after one occurrence.
Second, parents are going to have to assume a bit of responsibility here. They need to be checking in on their kids' social media sites. They need to be ingraining the mentality that bullies are not to be tolerated. They need to be teaching their kids to stand up to bullies and not fear repercussions from the school.
Bottom line: Agree or disagree with me, but I think the kids picking on other kids and bullying them, need their ass kicked somewhere up around the vicinity of their shoulderblades. They need to know that there are more people that just want to live peacefully than there are who want to make themselves feel better about themselves by pushing others down. They need to realize that those peace-loving people will beat wholesale ass when provoked by a bully.
I'll say it here and now: I have taught my children that they are not to suffer any bully. If they are bullied, they have every right to physically defend themselves if left with no other alternative. They are also to stand up for anyone else they see getting bullied. They are also taught that if they are bullied and have to fight, they better finish it and stomp a mudhole so deep in that kids ass that he feels pain every time he just walks by them. They are taught that I will defend their right to defend themselves to the nth degree. I will go to the school and let the admins know of their failures. I will seek legal counsel if necessary.
The only zero tolerance that should be in effect today is that of bullying. Zero tolerance does not mean expelling the perpetrator and victim. It is the intolerance of the act of bullying.
Monday, October 14, 2013
"I'm Offended!"
How many times have I heard this today??? If one were to listen to the news recently or, for that matter, anyone really talking; it would eventually be heard that someone was offended about something. It's really not a difficult thing to predict. All it really takes is for one person to express their true feelings or beliefs and soon enough, another individual will be offended at either the beliefs of the other person, the actions of the other person, or the audacity to express an actual opinion about something.
The term, "I'm offended!" has been used so much recently that it really has lost all meaning. Everyone seems to be offended about something. Where in the hell did this start? Why did it start? What does it really mean? Are people really this offended about that much? I have these questions almost every time that I hear someone say this. You could almost say I am offended by the overuse that this term gets! (Not really. Just a tad annoyed and pissed off.)
Are you really that damn offended? Is it possible to be offended by so much? I believe that when someone cries out that they are offended by something. I truly cannot believe that they know what offended is, nor do they understand the concept. I think they are using the term to say, in other words, "I don't like what you just said. I don't agree with what you said, but I cannot formulate a valid counterpoint to your statement, and therefore you've "offended" me and that should, in turn, invalidate your point." Everyone is not going to agree with everyone at the same time. Not everyone is going to like what others have to say. There will always be those who disagree.
There is nothing wrong with this!
Disagreement is how change is brought about. There is nothing wrong with having different opinions. What is wrong is having such disagreement with another's opinion or argument, that you decide rather than to actually talk to the person or discuss it, the "offense" card is played to shut down the process.
Where the eff did this start? I honestly have no idea, but I am one who would like to believe that it probably has its origination and roots in the politically correct movement. (Can you believe that I am not blaming BHO for this one?!?!? Not to say he doesn't help it though.) The idea that one has to either change their opinion or beliefs simply because another doesn't like it is simply ludicrous. I am not one to believe that we need to sugar coat things. Example: If you are overweight, you are not weight challenged, under tall, a food addict, or fluffy. You are fat. To use a medically appropriate term, you're obese. Even still that is trying to hide the truth behind a polished term. Its not offensive. Its not an insult. Its not meant to be mean. It's the unadulterated, unvarnished truth. We need to hear this more often. We need to stop being such big weak-hearted, weinies! We have become a nation of victims. We have become a nation of weak-willed cry-babies.
We need to stop being so easily offended in this country. Thicken up that skin. Understand that everyone is not going to agree with you all the time. I am sure I have done some dumbass stuff and would expect to be called out on it. You know what, I build a damn bridge and get the hell over it. There is no being offended in this. Save that for things that are truly offensive: murder, rape, theft, racism, etc.
The term, "I'm offended!" has been used so much recently that it really has lost all meaning. Everyone seems to be offended about something. Where in the hell did this start? Why did it start? What does it really mean? Are people really this offended about that much? I have these questions almost every time that I hear someone say this. You could almost say I am offended by the overuse that this term gets! (Not really. Just a tad annoyed and pissed off.)
Are you really that damn offended? Is it possible to be offended by so much? I believe that when someone cries out that they are offended by something. I truly cannot believe that they know what offended is, nor do they understand the concept. I think they are using the term to say, in other words, "I don't like what you just said. I don't agree with what you said, but I cannot formulate a valid counterpoint to your statement, and therefore you've "offended" me and that should, in turn, invalidate your point." Everyone is not going to agree with everyone at the same time. Not everyone is going to like what others have to say. There will always be those who disagree.
There is nothing wrong with this!
Disagreement is how change is brought about. There is nothing wrong with having different opinions. What is wrong is having such disagreement with another's opinion or argument, that you decide rather than to actually talk to the person or discuss it, the "offense" card is played to shut down the process.
Where the eff did this start? I honestly have no idea, but I am one who would like to believe that it probably has its origination and roots in the politically correct movement. (Can you believe that I am not blaming BHO for this one?!?!? Not to say he doesn't help it though.) The idea that one has to either change their opinion or beliefs simply because another doesn't like it is simply ludicrous. I am not one to believe that we need to sugar coat things. Example: If you are overweight, you are not weight challenged, under tall, a food addict, or fluffy. You are fat. To use a medically appropriate term, you're obese. Even still that is trying to hide the truth behind a polished term. Its not offensive. Its not an insult. Its not meant to be mean. It's the unadulterated, unvarnished truth. We need to hear this more often. We need to stop being such big weak-hearted, weinies! We have become a nation of victims. We have become a nation of weak-willed cry-babies.
We need to stop being so easily offended in this country. Thicken up that skin. Understand that everyone is not going to agree with you all the time. I am sure I have done some dumbass stuff and would expect to be called out on it. You know what, I build a damn bridge and get the hell over it. There is no being offended in this. Save that for things that are truly offensive: murder, rape, theft, racism, etc.
It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what.
--Stephen Fry
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