Bully

Bullying seems to have made a resurgence in the media of late.  In the past week, I have counted no less than two news stories about teens who have decided to end their lives as a result of being bullied.  In at least one case, the bullying took place over the span of a year and what appears to be two different schools.

Allow me to share my experience with this.  I was in sixth grade.  There was a bully that thought I was his punching bag.  In our school, we had a rather large playground and at that time, sixth graders still got recess.  This boy would seek me out to inflict his punishment.  If I was playing kickball, he'd find me and either take my spot or physically beat on me.  If I was somewhere else on the playground, he'd still find me.  I tried the walking away strategy.  I'd walk away to his verbal abuse.  Words don't mean anything anyway, didn't really make a big deal, but still when another student makes you look stupid in front of the whole class..."sting" is a good way to put it.  I tried the simple avoidance strategy.  I'd be on the playground, head on a swivel.  If he looked like he was coming toward me, I'd find an out.  One day, I'd had enough.  He cornered me on this wooden jungle gym thing, literally.  He'd backed me into a corner on this elevated platform.  He had assumed the typical bully posture of grabbing my shirt and essentially getting nose-to-nose.  I don't remember to this day, how it happened but I reversed the situation and had him almost pushed over the rail and about to take a tumble to the ground about 5 feet below.  A teacher spotted this and put a stop to it.  We were warned and told not to be "rough housing".  I think that lasted about a week.  We were on the playground and he decided it was then that he was going to take issue with me for the jungle gym incident.  I had been taking Tae Kwon Do lessons for a while during all of this.  I think I was a yellow belt.  After the first incident, I decided I had it in me to no longer be the victim to this asshole.  He started pushing and I assumed a defensive stance, ready to square off.  He did the "bully thing" and berated me for squaring off and charged.  I never threw one punch.  I did leg sweep after leg sweep until finally ending up mounted on top of him.  By this time, a teacher had seen what was taking place and came to his rescue.  In retrospect, he then assumed the role of the victim.  He cried to the teacher that I was "using that karate stuff on me."  I do not deny that I was using my martial arts training to defend myself.  I used it in the manner of which I was trained.  I had successfully defended myself against this bully.  However, now I was being frog marched into the office and was about to be expelled from sixth grade for "fighting".
They told me that I needed to call a parent.  We were both being suspended.  I called my Dad.  I knew what would happen.  They didn't.  My dad came and picked me up, took me home and then sat me down and had me recall, roughly, the entire two weeks of bullying from this kid.  It was a Friday when this happened, so we were told to meet back at the principal's office with our parents on Monday morning before school.  I showed up with my parents.  The other kid and his parents no-showed.  I was told to sit outside, but I didn't need to be in the room to know what was said.  Needless to say, this was never found on my record, I was not bullied anymore, and I don't recall the kid ever showing back up in school.

I know firsthand the role of the bullied and, as a result, I have a very low opinion of bullies.  I also have a low tolerance for the bullshit handed forth by bullies.  Bullies are weak.  They are poor excuses for human beings.  They are empty on the inside.  I believe they seek to make someone else feel bad about who they are because the bullies feel bad about who they are.  I could entertain other people's opinions about how they come from a broken home or from a home devoid of love and hugs and kisses.  Maybe they needed more unicorn farts in their life.  I DON'T CARE!  Bullies are bullies and deserve to be put in their place by anyone with a set of balls (whether actual balls, lady balls, or just metaphysical balls) and the willingness to do so.  Which brings up the situations at hand in the media right now.

I think this has been brought about by our PC, lovey-dovey, feel good, everyone gets a ribbon culture which has spawned this "zero-tolerance" policy that so many school districts have adopted.  I think zero tolerance is a cop out.  To punish the victim in these instances is the same as punishing the rape victim and the rapist because the rapist perpetrated the act, but the victim was a participant in the act.  I think it is a weak minded policy that makes it easy for school administrators to punish fighting, which should be punished, yet not have to get their hands dirty and make any judgements about the parties involved.  Maybe there needs to be some judgement.  Maybe bullies need to be called out.  Maybe these assholes need to be put in their place when they're young before they get older.  Maybe someone just needs to let them get their asses beaten to prove to them that they don't get to act this way as a functioning member of society.  I ask you, "What's wrong with telling a kid, "Hey, you're being an asshole and this type of behavior is not going to get you far in life and may in fact get you killed."?"

My solution:
Schools today have become one of the most monitored entities in the country.  My son has a laptop form the school and there is a firewall set up that will notify the IS department if he is on inappropriate sites.  There are multiple cameras set up in his high school.  There are teachers everywhere.  I cannot believe that the potential does not exist to watch these kids almost everywhere.  I believe that teachers are not bouncers.  I don't think they are there to break up fights, but they are there to maintain the safety of the kids in that school.  If they see a kid getting bullied, why do they need to wait until either the victim commits suicide or they bring a weapon into the school to exact their revenge.  They should have the capacity to stop that bully in his tracks.  The victim has no place in the punishment equation.  That bully will no longer be attending that school after one occurrence.
Second, parents are going to have to assume a bit of responsibility here.  They need to be checking in on their kids' social media sites.  They need to be ingraining the mentality that bullies are not to be tolerated.  They need to be teaching their kids to stand up to bullies and not fear repercussions from the school. 

Bottom line:  Agree or disagree with me, but I think the kids picking on other kids and bullying them, need their ass kicked somewhere up around the vicinity of their shoulderblades.  They need to know that there are more people that just want to live peacefully than there are who want to make themselves feel better about themselves by pushing others down.  They need to realize that those peace-loving people will beat wholesale ass when provoked by a bully. 

I'll say it here and now:  I have taught my children that they are not to suffer any bully.  If they are bullied, they have every right to physically defend themselves if left with no other alternative.  They are also to stand up for anyone else they see getting bullied.  They are also taught that if they are bullied and have to fight, they better finish it and stomp a mudhole so deep in that kids ass that he feels pain every time he just walks by them.  They are taught that I will defend their right to defend themselves to the nth degree.  I will go to the school and let the admins know of their failures.  I will seek legal counsel if necessary. 
The only zero tolerance that should be in effect today is that of bullying.  Zero tolerance does not mean expelling the perpetrator and victim.  It is the intolerance of the act of bullying.